Recent text exchange:
it’s cold up here
That would explain why it’s cold inside. Your heating engineer has made a terrible error.
“Neil once got bitten by the bait when he was fishing.”
My sister discussing her husband
Me, telling my wife about how the in-laws brought amazing bagels from New Jersey, took them to the basement without telling anyone because there were too many, put them in the wine fridge which is not cool enough to preserve them, and two weeks later brought up a bag of moldy bagels that went straight to the trash:
“Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Bagels?”
“Sorry, I don’t think I’m qualified to draw paws on an owl.”
“…please stop saying ‘blaby shork.’”
Ignore my last phone call, it’s not the top of the lift that’s on fire…
“Not my circus; not my monkey.”
I actually prefer the “original” Polish: Nie moj cyrk, nie moj malpy. Just sounds… more refined.
This one goes out to @Chewy77
[Truck driving by]: “CAMAS NUEVAS A LA VENTA”
[me]: “…New Camels of the Wind?”
[passenger, drawing on four years of Spanish in the 90’s]: “…yeah. That’s right.”
Silver linings, you got the “New” bit right…
For the non Spanish speakers or too lazy to google translate the truck said New beds for sale
That would explain the mattresses pictured on the side.
And, for posterity, I’d be much more likely to shop at Camellos Nuevos Del Viento.
Sounds like a cooler name for Through the Dessert
Heard here earlier, by anyone tapping my phone: ‘Gotta go, bye, I have a Cat Arse Event…’
From my gadget-obsessed friend to his partner:
“I accidentally factory reset the front door. If you can’t get in when you get home, knock.”
It could be worse; the factory reset could have turned it back into a tree.
“Juan had a dream about you, in English”
Juan is my Spanish colleague who is leaving today. I have had it confirmed that it was not blue.
“I’m having to drink my coffee through a straw, which isn’t good. It goes all up your ear.”
My mother, suffering with a gum infection and leaving me thoroughly confused.
“We can’t go to AireCon, we’re busy that weekend, going to AireCon”
“Winnie the Pooh kind of makes you a dick.”