My partner and I are always laughing about how competitive we are… But I laugh more.
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I’m the least competitive person. Show me someone less competitive than me and I will be even less competitive
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A man standing by the riverside sees another across and shouts: “Can you help me getting to the other side of the river?”
To which the other guy responds: “But you are already on the other side!”
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The last one, I promise. What does Winnie the Pooh have in common with Alexander the Great?
They share their middle name.
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West Yorkshire police are investigating the theft of a city…
They have no Leeds
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A snail to another:
-“I’m crossing the road”
-“Be careful, there is a bus in an hour”
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I’ve changed all the labels on the spices in our spice rack. My partner hasn’t noticed yet, but the thyme is cumin.
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My partner told a Soviet joke! I am so proud of her!
A man gets in line for vodka, and as the hours pass gets more and more frustrated. Finally, he throws his hands up.
“That’s it! I’ve had it! I hate Gorbachev! I’m going to go kill him!”
He rushes off.
A few hours later he shoulders his way back into his place in line.
“How did it go!?” ask the people around him. “Did you kill Gorbachev?”
“I made it to the Kremlin,” the man responds with a sigh, “but the line to kill him is longer than this one.”
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Scotland Yard has started offering cups of a refreshing hot beverage to every citizen who’s been unfortunate enough to become part of a violent crime statistic, but it’s not a popular decision. Everyone’s unhappy with the police brew-tally-tea.
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I’ve just been reading about a medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition, so they loaded the trebuchet with a severed peasant’s head and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battlements.
It was the first serf-face-to-heir missile.
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I tried to get my board game into the airplane, but security wouldn’t let me.
They said the Risk was too big.
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What is Mario and Luigi’s overalls made out of?
Denim denim denim.
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I shamelessly stole your joke and am pleased to report that it caused great anguish amongst my friends.
I am in your debt.
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I read this one online, but damn if it isn’t becoming a favourite:
If Ani is short for Anakin, what is Luke short for?
…
A Stormtrooper.
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I like this one, if a bit cruel:
- Son, sit down, we need to talk.
-OK dad.
-You were adopted.
-What? What do you mean adopted? I want to meet my biological parents!
-Wait, no, we are your biological parents, you were adopted yesterday, and your new parents come tomorrow to pick you up.
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Ooooh, I like that one!
1 Like
Because he’s got little legs!
Wait, wrong joke …
1 Like
To get to the other side! Wait, no…
3 Likes
