What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

I’m not a pathologist, but I do play one on TV, so I’m feeling quite simpathetic.

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There was one guy - I’ve lost his name, star of one of the 1950s medical shows, who actually managed to parlay that into persuading people to fund research into relatively rare and unprofitable diseases. This is not a joke.

Meanwhile I was recently reminded of the Prieuré de Sion nonsense (the Wikipedia page is splendid, making it quite clear when it was all made up) and I find myself thinking of that old saying: never attribute to the Chalice what can be adequately explained by cupidity.

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Oh, bravouch!

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That would be Chris Robinson, who played Dr Webber in General Hospital, selling cough medicine.
It turns out that someone just dressing the part, even if they’re saying ‘I’m dressing up as the thing’, is enough to make us believe them more, which is depressing. Appearance really is sadly more important than we like to admit.
Relatedly, I think Stanley Milgram reran his famous ‘zap people until they die please’ experiments with actors not wearing lab coats or holding clipboards, and my memory is that virtually no one administered a ‘fatal’ zap in that case.

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If a pathologist is a “path”, is an empath a slightly-wider pathologist?

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No, but they are electromagnetic.

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Or a Megapath?

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Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hike.
Hike who?

(Option 1):
Haiku are easy
But they don’t always make sense
Refrigerator

(Option 2)
Ask unsuspecting
That a perfect trap is lain
Dad joke ascendant

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Knockity knock knock.
Who’s at the door? Hike. Hike who?
Yes. May I come in?


It doesn’t quite work… I’m reminded of the Rowan Atkinson sketch where he tries to tell the knock knock “death” joke, but his straight man insists that you can’t have one person telling a knock knock joke on their own, so they try it as a two-hander and the punch line never happens.

(It’s later on that same recording, but I couldn’t find it online.)


Edit: slightly better:

Knockity knock knock.
Knock knockity knock knock knock.
Who’s there? Hike. Hike who?

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Here’s one for all of you particle physicists:

Higgs, Field & Boson LLP

“We put the ‘mass’ in massive settlement!”

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink.

‘For you, son, no charge.’

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There are two sodium atoms sitting in a crystal lattice. One says ‘Ooh, I’ve lost an electron!’
The second asks ‘Are you sure?’.
‘Yeah, I’m positive!’

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What do you call when you cannot sleep at night because you are so hungry you cannot resist to raid the fridge and pantry?

Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia

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As a serious aside, a friend had a spouse that would sleep raid the refrigerator. There’s an industry around stuff like fridge time locks and puzzle locks (that you aren’t supposed to be able to open in your sleep).

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Is that like that app to avoid you texting while drunk??

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I can only ever remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why…

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I just got a new job making plastic Draculas.
There are only two of us on the assembly line, so I have to make every second Count.

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I had a similar job making Barbie Werewolves. It was pretty hairy.

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Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

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I did a bet with my wife saying I could make a car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

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