Then the time is right to introduce Queenie, the Emperor Penguin. There isn’t much for me to say here, Queenie was almost literally born for this event. We’re gonna grease her up like a Turkish wrestler and let her hunting spirit fly. A huge cheese wheel has nothing on a nimble fish, she’ll be tagging it before anyone knows what hit them.
My condolences to the runners up. 
My competitor is Najim the human, He is born and raised in Switzerland and therefore no stranger to hills or cheese. As a matter of fact he prepared to this event by calculating the form of the cheese and the degrees steep of the hill, since he was actually pretty good in geometry. With over 18’000 average steps per day in April, he has stamina, and hiking includes obviously hills. With 176cm and 85kg gravity on the hill works to his favour (as I said, geometry).
As motivation he was promised to keep the cheese if he can catch it, which is undeniably the best motivation, since I doubt any other animal eats 22kg per head and year, unlike Swiss people.
You realize the run is downhill, right?? Balance rather than stamina here (if anything other than no self preservation)
My competitor is Roland the sea Turtle.
What moves as fast as a cheese rolling down a hill? The answer is simple it’s a turtle rolling down a hill.
Roland and I have been practicing, Roland upon hearing the command Wensleydale will retract into his shell and stay inside until I say the clearance word Brie.
For my part I’ve been practicing bowling and can aim Roland with pinpoint accuracy.
So there you have it your winner is… wait, don’t call the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals).
For my competitor, I’ll be bringing… 
Krangaoo the Kangaroo!
A creature that constantly jumps is easily capable of keeping its balance on the way down, and will easily outrun most other creatures. As practice, I brought Krangaoo with me while coaching [redacted] at Everest, and they were able to jump all the way back down to their native home of London. As for their final encouragement, I will recite the entirety of Leiningen versus the Ants, as a reminder to keep away from any sentient pests.
I have some questions about the animal fact on that card…
For cheese rolling, my entrant is Ignatius, the greater flamingo. While normally just done in a lead up to flying, flamingos can actually run at a decent speed, with their long legs really eating up the distance. He has been doing great on our downhill sprint practices! With his long stride, wings to help maintain balance on the downhill slope, and long neck to reach out and touch the wheel, I have no doubt that Ignatius will bring home the Gold!
(Have the coaches all seen footage of the Gloucester cheese rolling, just so that they’re all on the same page?)
Strategy forced my hand but I really wanted to enter myself here. 
I guess we could go on to the voting stage, couldn’t we?
Sorry, yes, that seems reasonable. I’ll post a summary in a bit, but everyone should feel free to vote for the competitors they feel should win
Is there a ruling regarding voting for our own competitor?
I also just want to point out that while grease will improve the ability of a competitor to slide down a hill, it is going to remove any semblance of control.
The only thing will get my vote over a greased up penguin is an out of control greased up penguin.
I don’t think you can vote for your own post. If you figure out a way to do so, then certainly we’ll have to do manual recounts 
As before, the referenced posts will be the ones from which votes will be tallied. You can click on the 
on the quoted section to view that post in the thread.
Well that is an obvious “duh” on my part.
The dynamic friction coefficient of sea ice is incredibly low. My top viscosity scientists at Victorinarian Labs have produced a remarkable synthetic oil for the event which actually closely matches this. In short, Queenie kept complaining about drag and we needed to work hard to formulate something fast enough for her.
Second round goes to Queenie, the Emperor Penguin! Congratulations to her and her coach, @VictorViper!
| VOTES | Event Result | |
|---|---|---|
| VictorViper | 6 |  |
| GabrielH | 3 |  |
| COMaestro | 1 |  (tied) |
| Brattyjedy | 1 | (tied) |
| GeeBizzle | 1 | (tied) |
| Najim | 0 |
Coaches, please confirm with me the competitor you will be submitting for Stage 3 – Mount Everest!
