Have a boss who occasionally crafts emails using an elaborate paragraphing system.
Turns it into an acrostic of all the swear words he really wants to use.
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I did that to the Board once.
I thought I’d got away with it but when I had to present to the Board, the Director of Programmes sat grinning at me the entire time so I guess he figured
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“It’s completely honourable for [these barbarians] to jump you with ten of their mates as you’re coming back from the mead-hall. You should have brought your mates.”
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A former cow orker did something like that, as part of a report on how badly some proposed software package purchases were implemented. (He used the first words of the section titles to say “don’t buy this garbage “ or something like that.) He got a note from the org leader, like 5 levels up the management chain, who also sat on the board of directors. It was handwritten, on the director’s letter head, and was delivered via interoffice mail. It said, and I’ll quote the whole letter, “Ha ha”, and a signature. He put it up on the wall in his ofice, and a year later, our district manager (our line manager’s boss) saw it and asked about it.
They bought the software. it was garbage, for all the reasons he said it was, and the company that sold it no longer exists. Neither do any of the companies that bought it, though the name of the one I was working for (AT&T) lives on. These things are not unrelated, but more in the “if you think this crap is acceptable, you’re going to get eaten’ sense, rather than 'if you touch this, you die” one.
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“He seemed sort of confused… but then, coming to in the bath, covered in wee, I suppose anyone would.”
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Wait… how did you anyone even see me?
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“All he eats is meat and carbs.”
“A carbivore, then?”
-My wife and I regarding our younger kiddo.
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“Can we re-enact your face?”
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My son would be a pastavore given half a chance.
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[via text]
Partner: Are you in the bathroom?
Me: Garage
…
Me: Hopefully that better explains the power tool sounds.
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“… mangement vodka …”
it was a typo or autocorrecto for ‘vmka’ but management vodka explains so many things…
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I did once have a bottle of whiskey in my bottom draw - it was a present from a supplier - and I totally forgot about it. Zoom on to several months later, Im searching for a file to give to my manager (Executive Director of HR) who is standing over my shoulder when I pull open said bottom drawer…
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“Haven’t had to crack the seal yet!”
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A bottle of work-life balance?
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“Did she poop?”
“Aaaah… more like a fart visualization.”
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Note to self: when in the middle of synovial fluid cytology and your boss rings, try to avoid saying that you were just ‘doing a joint’.
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In last night’s dungeon bash: “We can’t make the whole party invisible. Clearly what you need is to make the wall of the fort invisible. Barrel of gunpowder emoji.”
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Not said (or heard) but read on company Slack channel:
Coworker 1: This is nit-pick… (boring corporate branding stuff)
Coworker 2: don’t mean to be pedantic but there’s no hyphen in nitpick
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I don’t mean to nit-pick your nitpick, but…
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Technically correct is the best kind of correct!
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