Actual things you actually said (or heard) in the last 24 hours

“‘Bacteria Energy’ – the lightest and most-portable energy source, perfect for the modern professional Castaway.”

6 Likes

“We’d have to cast Walk on Air on the zombie cyclops, but that presents no great difficulty.”

5 Likes

“Can I interest you in some nun plums?”

(I feel vaguely compelled to clarify that these were actual plums I had picked from a tree at an actual convent upon the suggestion of an actual nun.)

5 Likes

Is that a nun de plume?

5 Likes

“You can keep them. I don’t need Jesus and Aladdin in my life.”

9 Likes

“Adult chunks with turkey or sodomy?”

(Cat food, and the last word was actually “sardines”.)

5 Likes

“So ‘voluntary euthanasia via killer whale’, then?”

“It’d be more efficient than a panda.”

(Not having realised that pandas were the alternative, I had made the mistake of sipping on my drink after asking my question, and I consider it An Accomplishment that everything in front of me was not subsequently covered by a fine mist of tea.)

7 Likes

“Don’t lift with your face”

8 Likes

“It’s amazing what an extending cobweb brush can do.”

3 Likes

“I want chicken skin!”

“Pork chops don’t have chicken skin!”

-Older kid’s request and my reponse

4 Likes

In the Sentinels of the Multiverse game at Tekelilicon:

A: “Seriously, why would anyone choose to live in Megalopolis if there are villains attacking it all the time?”
B: (turns up the Plummeting Monorail disaster card) “They have a monorail!”

11 Likes

Had. They had a monorail.

15 Likes

That definitely improves it, doesn’t it? A ruined monorail for your sunset pictures is the cooooolest thing…

3 Likes

I need a moniker
I’m a mom…so a momiker?

6 Likes

It could be your super-hero momiker? (Although if that’s not already “superjaz” then your heroic alter-ego name will need to be impressive if it’s going to sound like an upgrade.)

3 Likes