My son E.'s (1.5 yo) friend (2 yo): “Parents soon.” - “Who’s going to be parents soon?” - “E. and I” - “But E. can’t even walk yet.” - “E. learn to walk!”
“Organic bio composite… also known as plywood”. Really hope that this was a joke.
“My wife permanently banned it from our kitchen table.
Probably after I Bicycled her at an unwelcome time, or some such.”
“I’m a girl. Do you like my mustache?”
That phrase is actually a reasonable description of plywood.
“squeeze the meat”
I like how your confirmation of purity in the world is built on a foundation of nasal larceny.
I laugh like an orangutan
“I need a bigger flat. I think I’ve reached ‘too many gods’ point.”
“I disapprove of the linear progression of time”
(My gf on not being able to snooze longer)
“I can hear it in Boromir’s voice:
‘Taiwan has no vaccine.
Taiwan needs no vaccine.’”
My 8 yo: daughter: What is an aerosol can?
Me: A spray can.
Her: Why don’t they call it a spray can, then? People love to make things difficult…
“I was talking to Linda from Talent Acquisition and-”
“Talent Acquisition?! Is that… Recruitment?”
“I know. I know. Don’t say anything.”
I’ll knock one out on the bottom
It’ll be on the top shelf with the beef delivery
“Your breath smells like breastmilk”
“I’m not putting this lotion on to make myself into a tasty treat for you.”
NB: It was perfectly normal lotion for winter dry skin care. I was talking to my dog who loves to lick people immediately after they bathe or put on lotion. Or while they’re in the middle of trying to put on lotion in this case.
“Like virgin elbows”
Chivalry is good, but you need 2 dudes in the palace minimum to make it sing.