Warhammer players at the next table 
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Higher than you might think. Yer average sheep is an unacknowledged homicidal maniac.
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Sheep are ok. Rams you must be weary of, they are the real b****ds.
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“Say what you want, but Salmonella can really ruin your day”
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Such a great film!
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“No, me neither, but try to sleep as far from the triceratops as possible.”
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“I just hate mining and crafting. Still though, love Minecraft.”
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“Mummy, do you know what comdoms are? My friend told me you put them on your balls so when you kiss a girl neither of you get pregnant”
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(there’s a lot to unpack here, but at least the kid is thinking in the correct direction)
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Tell the child never, ever to stretch the condom over their balls. Otherwise, you will end up with a horror story due to their naivety.
(I have the heard the tale from my friend Hugh as to how he became very close friends with his university friend, who I shall nickname M, who did not know how to use a condom properly. While attempting to lose his virginity, M stretched the condom over his balls and wound up in agony. While all his other friends fell about laughing, Hugh was the only friend kind enough to find some nail scissors and release the pressure. True story)
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Well, the vicar will have to do without.
It popped up on my wife’s Facebook feed from 5 years ago.
It’s fine, he’s 26 now!
My son waking up in the middle of the night and coning into our room sobbing…
“i had a bad dream,!”
“Oh no, darling, have a cuddle. What happened?”
“I dream Arlo and Ethan ate my lunch!”
This kid obviously loves his lunch.
Cutest nightmare ever
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As a kid I once didn’t get up on Christmas morning because I’d dreamed that I’d already woken up, opened presents, didn’t want any of them, and gone back to bed disappointed. When I actually woke up I just assumed it was all true and there was no point in getting up.
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All of the children I am familiar with would have thrown a fit.
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That makes me feel better – although it was funny, after writing it down I was mostly thinking how ungrateful I’d clearly been, so I am pleased to be able to report that no fits were thrown. I also recall that my day had improved remarkably once someone convinced me to get out of bed. I’ll give myself a pass on the basis of having been very small.
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I’m the most senior pathologist here today and one of the residents offered me a digestive saying ‘Want one, Skip?’. I modestly replied that she didn’t have to call me ‘Skip’ now, I like cool nicknames but I remained just the same as everyone else even though I’m now a qualified pathologist.
She replied ‘I said, ‘Want a biscuit?’.
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That has got to have been just a little embarrassing.
Apropos embarrassing. My colleague yesterday told the men on the team:
“Find ich schon interessant, dass ihr untenrum zuerst grau werdet.”
She basically said, she thought it was interesting the men turned grey “down there” first. She meant their beards… and quickly corrected herself. Oops.
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Interestingly my beard is much darker than my hair.
I’m not saying anything about ‘down there’!! 
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