Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be rules lawyers.
4 Likes
Oh, they did. But dinner came at normal time. The little one was not so happy about it… 
Quote from an NPR interviewee today in re covid:
“We have well over 600,000 people who are currently dead.”
I’m left wondering. Do they expect dead to not be a long-term status for these people?
8 Likes
In my medical experience, the dead patients are the only ones that you can truly say are in a stable condition.
9 Likes
Generally when someone is going to become an Earl there are subtle clues that let you predict it, like his father being an Earl.
10 Likes
Funny enough, it never happens with queens. Their fathers never are queens…
2 Likes
‘Daddy, you’re very strange. You say you don’t like guns and then you play lots of games with guns in them.’
7 Likes
At the doctors about an hour ago.
Me: you said last week I’m really tense, I never know when I’m going to get a call saying some emergency has come up with my kids and I need to run and get them asap.
My phone rings-
Doctor-its okay you can answer it
Me:Hello?
Phone: hi is this superjaz? Hi this is therapy place.
Kiddo A had an accident and needs to be picked up.
Me:I’m at the doctors, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Thank you, bye.
Doctor: okay so let’s finish this up so you can go pick up your kids
Me:so yeah as I was saying…
11 Likes
Just now at the store, double posting, forgive me~
Little girl: I like the one that looks like brains
Woman with her:there is something off with you.
…Ground meat? Is that.what you mean?
6 Likes
‘If you were going to hit someone on the head with a hammer, you’d want to be pretty +£%&ing sure it was the right person, wouldn’t you?.. Mum, you okay?’
(nope, not really, dear)
2 Likes
“doctor should buy some magic” from a password generator. I think I’ll find another doctor…
5 Likes
Well, obviously only FDA-approved magic.
3 Likes
Maybe he just wants to be more interesting at parties?
I don’t need someone in to reiki my bumhole
2 Likes
All businesses are pyramid schemes, including the pyramids.
3 Likes
I’m sure some people would pay good money for that!
1 Like
My girlfriend: “What is cheese, but milk persevering?”
6 Likes
My wife, watching a period Chinese series:
“Oh, he’s having some X-rated thoughts. Yep, look at that smile. And he’s POLISHING HIS SWORD!”
Character was reminiscing about being kissed on the cheek by his crush with his eyes closed and a goody smile on his face while polishing his literal sword. There is no way this was not intentional by the director!
4 Likes
- Wholesome reminiscence
- Kiss on cheek advocates chaste and moral relationship outside of wedlock
- Fastidious weapon maintenance promotes sound work ethic
Hays approved!
5 Likes
What were you watching??