“You’re pretty sure you’re not being followed by anything that’s human and visible to normal sight.”
“And when we get back to Bombay, we’ll simply tell the truth about where she came from and everyone will assume it’s her made-up origin story.”
10 Likes
“I’ll just finish Dahmer and then I’ll put the potatoes on.”
5 Likes
Do you know why you’re my booger? Because I pick you.
4 Likes
And I guess if you’re my gum, then I chews you.
5 Likes
I don’t pick boogers, I pick my nose!
2 Likes
Earning your tagline! Like a boss!
2 Likes
A recurring theme…
1 Like
Checking into Cracker Barrel with my daughter.
Hostess: “Two? And let me get you a super awesome kids menu!”
Me: “Great! How about one for her, too?”
Hostess: -Visibly confused-
Me: -Awkward silence-
Hostess: -Awkward silence-
Me: -Slight eyebrow raise-
Hostess: “Let me show you to your table.”
Me: “Sounds great.”
12 Likes
Me: “JavaScript is a Lisp-like language in a curly-bracket trench coat.”
Colleague: “With semi-colon shoes.”
5 Likes
My wife would definitely order off a kids menu if they let her. (She eats less-than-(American)-adult portions.)
3 Likes
“She’s a drummer and a truck driver. If you ask about her sexuality, she will punch you in the face, which may be an answer.”– playing Rock Hard 1977.
6 Likes
“A beef doughnut? No!”
3 Likes
Don’t eat my feet - I need them!
4 Likes
Go stir the pot of hearts.
1 Like
“It’s like a turducken. A tur-dragon!”
2 Likes
You mean a cross between a turkey, Dolph Lundgren as Ivan Drago from Rocky IV, and a salmon?
1 Like
Isn’t Turduken a famous Street Fighter II attack?
3 Likes
‘A very nice bloke - you wouldn’t have known he was a Druid at all’
8 Likes
Biryani Oujia Board
5 Likes
“I’m always coherent! Sometimes there’s just an ‘In’ in front.”
4 Likes