Build on the flanks of Etna where the sullen smoke-puffs float—
Or bathe in tropic waters where the lean fin dogs the boat—
Cock the gun that is not loaded, cook the frozen dynamite—
But oh, beware my country, when my country grows polite!
5 Likes
I didn’t know you kipled.
I am neither entirely enthusiastic nor entirely opposed, so both sides despise me.
So you are that legendary monster the mugwump?
My subscription for the Sunk Cost Society is due yet again. I’ve been a member for ten years so I might as well stick with it.
12 Likes
That’s one of the best economics jokes I’ve heard.
2 Likes
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
How much does a chimney cost?
You might think it’s free because it’s on the house, but in reality it’s through the roof!
9 Likes
I got a bit nervous palpating an abdomen earlier. Just a gut feeling.
9 Likes
People are always shocked when they learn that I’m irresponsible with my taser.
9 Likes
My boss has started a small business attempting to raise deer for racing.
Really, he’s just trying to make a quick buck.
7 Likes
What do we want? Low-flying planes!
When do we want them? NAAAAOOOOOWWWWWWW
8 Likes
A monk opened a tub of margarine and was surprised to see that the swirled surface of the contents very strongly resembled the face of Jesus.
"That’s odd, " he said. “I thought this was Buddha.”
I supposed that this joke is only funny in a non-rhotic accent with T-glottalisation but without the foot-strut split. Still, there it is hilarious.
9 Likes
I had to think about it, but that was because I pronounce the u in Buddha like the oo in fool, not like the oo in foot . . . boo, duh!
It is? I pronounce “strut” differently than either “foot” or “fool.”
1 Like
Interesting. I pronounce “Buddha” with the vowel in “put”, not the vowel in “pool”, but Australians do odd things with vowel length.
1 Like
After reading that joke, I remembered an album titled “The Buddhafinger”, and that all I’d thought at the time was “that’s a weird name”.
2 Likes
I actually have three vowels in that range: the one in “pool” and “fool” and “loot” (and “Buddha”); the one in “foot” and “put” and “cookie”; and the one in “strut” and “putt” and “nut”. On the other hand, neither “newt” nor “duke” has a distinctive vowel or diphthong; they have the same vowel as “loot.”
1 Like
A few truly awful ones:
I believe my wife has started putting glue on my weapon collection. She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
I had a dream last night I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
My grandfather always talks about the good ol’ days, when you didn’t have to worry and could just leave doors open. Lovely man, but a terrible submarine captain.
I’ve liked every audio engineer I’ve ever met. They’re sound people.
10 Likes
