I scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked.
I’m not sure what him scared him more, the fact I was naked or that I knew where he lived.
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I was at the bar and a waitress asked if anyone knew CPR. I said I knew the whole alphabet!
Everyone laughed. Except this one guy.
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Fun Fact, which is not a joke. The dolls you practice CPR on are called “Annie’s”.
In the US you were trained to start the process with the phrase “Annie are you OK?”
Michael Jackson took CPR classes and the rest is history…
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The really unfun fact is where the doll’s face came from.
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That would certainly explain the ‘nectarines’.
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Why would a polar bear have a sauce pan?
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“You humans think it’s all rar chomp. There’s a lot that happens after you are no longer consciously involved.”
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Buddy wanted to play Cowboys and Indians.
I went out and got a cowboy hat and some toy six-shooters, he went to MIT and got a comp sci degree.
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One of my former bosses had spent time as a military contractor working somewhere in the arctic circle. He had a picture of a polar bear on the base, which looked like it was reading a sign. The sign said “REMEMBER: POLAR BEARS DO NOT KILL YOU AND THEN EAT YOU. THEY EAT YOU WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE. THIS IS MORE PAINFUL”. (or something like that, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the photo.)
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My friend created a prototype molecular knife. He had hoped it would be capable of separating condiments into their component atoms, but unfortunately it didn’t quite cut the mustard.
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Just to be clear, the above thing was a joke, so if you were holding back kind of liking the post or chortling or anything, yknow, you can. Because actually if you pay attention a bit I think you’ll concede that it’s actually funnier than you lot seem to have given it credit for. I’m not blaming you all, entirely, but I think maybe you should try a bit harder.
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I don’t relish saying this, but I fear you may be suffering from condimentia. This season it’s very contagious, so it spreads easily. If you’re feeling a bit chilli, or you notice the appearance of any sauce, you should get yourself checked out, lest you find yourself in a pickle.
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Sorry, spent the morning playing ketchup on the forum threads and had no time to like posts. If I get more time later I mayo go back and do so.
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But maybe an ill-advised Leaving Earth expansion?
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I was thinking Rallyman GT.
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“Do not touch” must be really disturbing to read in braille…
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What happened to the passengers of the pink ship when it crashed into the purple ship?
They were all marooned!
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I can cut pieces of wood just by looking at them!
You may not believe it, but I saw it with my own eyes.
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