i also forgot for a moment which thread I had selected.
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A Greek tragedian walks into a tailor’s with a pair of torn trousers.
The tailor looks up. ‘Ah, Euripides!’
The playwright says, ‘Yeah, can you fix ‘em?’
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Canonically, the punchline is “ Eumenides?”
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Wow. Tough crowd today.
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I had to break up with my girlfriend yesterday when I found out she was a Communist.
I can’t believe it took me so long to see all the red flags.
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Wow.
You’re Unbanned.
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Yayy, then I can tell my joke about the robotic repair droid with a built in elevator. It works on so many levels.
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I wrote a book of recursive humour, but the publisher rejected it for not being funny.
I think it’s because all of the jokes were in-jokes.
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This weekend at one of my daughter’s baseball games, we were discussing scores of another game, which was 45-3. One of the kids asked “how do you score 45 runs?” I said “when you have 44 runs. Score one more “. He asked “how did they get 44?” Another kid said “they scored a run when they had 43, silly “.
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I hope that one day some of those kids are learning programming and pause to think “oh, just like baseball”.
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Hey, did you hear about that actor getting stabbed? Reese… Reese something…
- Witherspoons?
No, with a knife
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I just caught my partner out with this. She laughed and said it was a really funny and intelligent joke and I’d told it well (with her eyes).
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“Dear Penthouse letters, I never thought it would happen to me…”
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All while her mouth said “you awful punned!”?
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I feel that people -really- talk with their eyes, despite what they may actually be saying.
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I tried that line once. The jury did not buy it.
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The other week I went down to the pond to feed the ducks, and one of them bit me.
The next morning I found my toes had webbed together, and when I coughed it came out like a quack.
I went to see my doctor.
“A duck bit me and I think I have some kind of infection”, I began.
“What’s the nature of the sickness?” he asked.
“Mallardy” I replied.
“Ok, what’s the nature of the malady?” he asked.
“I’ve grown webbed feet, and it sounds weird when I cough”, I answered.
“Could you cough for me now?”
“Quack!”
“Well that’s uncalled for!” he exclaimed.
“I think I’m turning into a duck” I said.
“Do you have any other symptoms?” he asked.
“Not yet” I said. “I only hope I won’t wind up with a big bill.”
“That’s the one thing you can be certain of” he replied.
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Just been up to York, where a local archaeologist showed me a tour of their lodgings on their excavation sites. Nice digs.
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Two neutrophils walk into a bar. The barman points at thr youngest one and says, ‘Hey, you can’t come in here - you’re band!’.
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