If the quoted poster had access to a scalpel, or a rhyming dictionary, they’d be dangerous.
3 Likes
“It’s like castrating a cat. It’s in my muscle memory.”
6 Likes
“Baby needs a new pair of nukes.” (Terraforming Mars Dice)
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“Oh, there’s a cucumber in my handbag.”
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Been there.
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How do you say “The World Is My Diaper” in Latin?
…I want it on my family crest.
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Diasperus mundum meus est… perhaps?
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Are you sure, you don’t mean to say „my world is diapers“ ? Because… ? 
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I don’t think those two could be mixed up accidentally…
On topic, kind of (though not in the last 24 hours):
“K put his diaper in the laundry, again.”
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“Whose legs were she between?”
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“My only customer interaction for the day was with a naked toddler.”
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I imagine only I will actually find this funny, but I wanted to record it for posterity, and this seems a good place for it:
Do you want some real butter? Real butter? Yes, of course you do. Real butter!
Why the emphasis on real butter?
Well, some of my friends use these spreads, they think butter is unhealthy, but not me no, I like real butter, I don’t think it’s unhealthy.
Well, it is pure fat…
Oh no, this isn’t pure fat.
So it’s not butter?
Oh, it is, it’s real butter, it’s just got some other stuff to make it easier to spread, look (starts reading ingredients)
So it’s got butter in it?
Right, and rapeseed oil, water, and lactic culture. But real butter!
So it’s a spread?
Why do you have to be so pedantic?
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“Where is the love shaker?”
“It’s attached to my hand.”
(No context will be provided.)
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“You’re primed for a raspberry.”
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“That is the closest I have ever come to running out of power! Apart from the time I did.”
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“Give it a blow, then give it a go.”
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I Can’t Believe It May Or May Not Be Spread.
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“Dissolution is the solution”
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“I think we should just sandpaper you all over.”
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Just keel them…
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