Actually my phone said it, but
I think it’s good medical advice regardless.
Well, on the geologic scale you can just round me up to “dead.”
Re William McGonagall: “He had a talent. Just not the good kind of talent.”
“You’ve got to flex.”
“It just turns into a fatter sausage when I flex.”
(While watching the rugby)
“This game has more knock ons than Eddie Floyd!”
(No-one got it. I was very disappointed)
Talking yet again about dramatic vs iconic characters (i.e. resolve a personal conflict by growth vs change the world by staying true to yourself):
“The classic D&D game is not about resolving an internal conflict. Unless you’ve eaten something poisonous.”
GM: “[foe] is standing on the other side of the room by the window.”
GM: “Note to future foes: make sure the place you stand and pose is at least six hexes from the door.”
That should go on that Evil Overlord list.
“You shouldn’t fret about being abducted and probed by aliens – that’s just our owners taking us to the vet.”
I once had a player cast Thunderwave and knock a Big Bad off a cliff, as well as most of the rest of his party. He figured they could heal their party and just leave the NPC to die.
My level 1 druid who was in no way ready for melee combat did use thunderwave to knock two attacking goblins off a roof, and it felt pretty good.
I had a Torg character many years ago whose preferred combat move was
Not for the goblins.
It’s okay, there were pillows below.
“This is one of those important things: Do not put your mouth on the toilet”
“Can we have a cocktail while your undies are still on?”
(Parenting takes me to many places I would not have anticipated)
On a related note:
“Papa, I’m sitting on poo”
“There’s poo. In my pants. I’m sitting on poo.”
In a related vein: “if you don’t take a nap, you won’t be able to go to the bar.” is schockingly missing from the parenting manual.
(We were vacationing at a little resort, the bar was where the games were. )
One of my favorites is “drink the beer”.
“Why are you so cute?”
“Because I am small”
“So, when you become bigger, you won’t be cute?”
“That’s right, I’ll be handsome”
Several from today’s Traveller game…
“You’ve met the governor. It’s only 800 people here.”
“We like to call him Jimbo.”
“They claim that you’re pirates, and that they have proof.”
“Yeah, but that bit of video where I’m burning through the airlock and shooting lots of people is straight from my episode of Heroes of the Imperium.”
“[retired merchant] looks at the ship and sees a standard Imperial-registered merchant. [retired marine] looks at her and sees that you assault that class of ship by boarding there and there.”
At the debriefing:
[retired merchant] “Lots of people tried to kill us. You didn’t warn us that would happen. It was terrifying. To think I said I wanted excitement.”
[retired marine] “Lots of people tried to kill us. You didn’t warn us that would happen. It was great! There’s life in the old war-dog yet.”
“Would you be interested in doing this sort of job again?”
[retired marine] [thumps chest] “My life for the Emperor!”
[retired naval officer] “His life for the Emperor.”