Mommy! Mommy! this rabbit is from Space Jam!
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“A circle with a butt… is a heart!”
“Steve, why aren’t we in Aruba?”
Shouldn’t the “we” be in caps or so? I need to know if it is that or “Aruba” 
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It wasn’t said so much as “THEY’RE there, why aren’t WE there?”
more like
“Why aren’t we in the supermarket right now?”
but… for Aruba.
I have never been to Aruba. I understand it is quite far from the UK.
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Are you sure it wasn’t passive aggressive?
“Steve, why aren’t we in Aruba? Is it because you forgot to buy the tickets, Steve? Is it because you are an idiot Steve? Is it!?”
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“What is the internet if not computers having a seance?”
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“[manager] called me unexpectedly on Teams and I had Merlin in a Papoose around my neck”
Merlin is a guinea pig…
My colleague is living the dream 
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It took the search engine a while to get to a definition of “Papoose” which actually made sense in that context, but consequently I am now imagining Merlin as one half of a rap duo, so it’s a net win.
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I’m curious how you arrived at “rap duo” before “sling for carrying a baby”, since the latter is the only context in which I’ve ever heard the word! Admittedly I’m not very up on my rap music knowledge…
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My search results informed me about a shop and an American rapper by the name, and that the word means “child” in some American languages, all before the first result which talked about a sling for carrying one (that was search result #8 on account of there being multiple variations on the earlier themes). The rapper was visually prominent, with photos and videos being offered by the search engine, so that’s where my brain went!
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I did the same search and questioned my sanity as I had never heard of either the rapper nor that “papoose” meant “child” in some languages.
I’m reminded of being on a plane and having the lady next to me ask me if I could please pass her the flibbertywossit (to pick a suitably bewildering word), and me repeatedly saying “pardon?” and looking progressively more confused as she kept on saying the same thing, presumably on the assumption that this time I would hear her properly and say “oh, the flibbertywossit; yes, of course, I have it right here…”
It turned out that she wanted a thing to put her child into, but it needed a third party to step in as an interpreter to clarify this point.
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Tired and thirsty, I ordered a white coffee from a vendor at Logan airport.
“A what?”
“Coffee, please. A white coffee.”
“A what coffee?”
“White… just a basic white coffee? Please?”
My brain wasn’t in a position to rephrase and all of a sudden I started to wonder if she thought I was being racist… I was locked into a trench lacking any other way of describing the drink I wanted. Thank goodness for her colleague who suggested maybe I wanted coffee with cream (I didn’t, I wanted milk, but by that point I’d have happily settled for them pouring white emulsion paint into it).
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You all need to stop making up words and terms. It’s just not gazorki.
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Duly noted, for I am always ordering flat whites here for my partner. At least my drink of choice (Chai Latte) is the same everywhere…
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“I’m anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.”
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Playing Patchwork:
“I have a very ugly rug.”
“It’s a quilt, bro.”
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Me (speaking to the umpteen-millionth person calling for a free appraisal): “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer appraisals as a service.”
Them: “Oh, I don’t want an appraisal, I just want to know what it’s worth.”
Me: “…”
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You want appraisals?
I think I’m entitled to one.
You want appraisals?
I WANT THE WORTH!
YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE WORTH!
(be sure to slam the phone down at that point, otherwise you have to make a long speech)
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