“It’s like History, but further back.”
6 Likes
“The bad news is that the ants are back. The weird news is that they’re getting drunk on Drambuie.”
7 Likes
“I thought he ate cheese all day long. It’s one of the few things about him that I respected.”
8 Likes
“That’s about as surprising as falling leaves in autumn.”
5 Likes
“Your ginger’s all up the wrong place.”
4 Likes
“Much of the detail iterated in the pornographic film may not exactly be historically accurate, but I suspect you already knew that about pornographic films.”
6 Likes
Paraphrasing a pharmaceutical advertisement I heard on the radio this morning: “… over 90% of users didn’t have a stroke while taking (whateveritwas).”
4 Likes
“The doctor’s said I could masturbate whenever I wanted!”
“No, the doctor said you could have a stroke at any moment.”
9 Likes
porn is teaching adolescents to have unrealistic expectations about how fast a plumber will arrive.
10 Likes
“I think we’ve successfully narrowed ‘all adults’ down to ‘your mother’.”
6 Likes
“What can I say except ‘you’re welcome’
For the swamp and the lava and the pigs.”
7 Likes
“I like sucking.”
Friend describing his enjoyment, yet poor performance, at Lords of Vegas. Went on to win that game.
7 Likes
“Ye can tak ma fush but ye’ll never tak ma penguin!”
10 Likes
“Are you saying it’s like Russian dolls, and inside each Buddha is another, smaller Buddha?”
5 Likes
Each one a little happier than the one before.
4 Likes
It’s Buddha’s all the way down until you reach a happiness singularity.
6 Likes
“As a nymphomaniac she’s a bit of an under-achiever”
9 Likes
“We’re making interstellar snuff movies.”
3 Likes
“How can you make tasteless bacon?”
4 Likes
“Religious Donkey. The new fragrance from Christian d’Eeyore.”
– Maisie Adam, on Mock the Week
10 Likes