‘Examine me like one of your French specimens.’
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“See, it’s a generational thing. To you a troll is someone who leaps out on travellers, hides under bridges, all that stuff. To me he’s Kr’zz who keeps the corner shop.”
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“My legs are a graffiti wall for brambles.”
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“The Bluetooth is flakier than the Singing Detective eating a Greggs pasty.”
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“I’m taking notes about this scene, mentioning the Governor, the Banker, the Bishop and the Duke, and I realise this sounds like The Hunting of the Snark. That wasn’t a good thing to say in front of the GM, was it?”
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“No manual safety on this. The manual safety for a rifle like this is ‘don’t put a cartridge in it’…”
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“There are just not enough meat-themed girl groups around these days, and I think that that should change.”
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What about Grills Aloud?
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“Some old time singer died.” —- my daughter informing me of Ozzie Osborn’s death.
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tbf she’s not exactly wrong…
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1980 was just 5 years ago!
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Nah, 20 years ago
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Which is weird because I was just at a concert by a musician I first saw in 2005, and while 1980-2000 was 20 years, 2005-2025 was nowhere near 20 years.
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“Are you really making her sniff your dubious stains?”
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“Where the **** is my Enigma Machine?”
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“What’s OnlyFans?”
I explain.
“How do you know that?” Also, “I thought it was a sports betting site.”
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“I was wondering how I recognised the name, then I realised that he’s had his hands on my boobs.”
“… That must be quite a select group.”
“Oh, you’d be surprised.”
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“They probably haven’t had chocolate for years. And if they have it’s weird Nazi mad science chocolate that keeps you awake all night or something.”
“That one Caleb shot, he was an officer.”
“Gonna have to narrow it down a bit there, sir.”
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“I think thermite is not the best thing to get girls.”
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