Actual things you actually said (or heard) in the last 24 hours

“Allow me to inttroduce you to a short instructional video called ‘Space: It Wants To Kill You’.”

“Carcinisation applies to biological spacecraft too.”

9 Likes

“Chiselled out of cheese.”

6 Likes

“… add in the ground, flatulence-inducing hazelnuts…”

7 Likes

Chaos! Destruction! Knitting!

8 Likes

Did you take out the garagara?

Meaning the thing that makes the noise of wheels turning, which meant the broken suitcase.

6 Likes

“How do we illustrate ‘the absence of postmodernism in this world’?”

9 Likes

“I’d rather go De Vito over potatoes”

“Ah, the ultimate full house”

9 Likes

“Thank you for this hot drink, darling, but it’s fucking awful.”

10 Likes

“What have they done to her hair?”
“I don’t know but she’s going to be buried with it.”

(Looking at a 1970s game box.)

6 Likes

Addendum: “They certainly won’t risk cremation.”

8 Likes

A somewhat sanitised version. “Well, they’re not going to risk burning the ___” was what I think I said.
( those underlines are the very devil to articulate)

5 Likes

“That plan should have worked. It was flawless!”

“I wish I had the buffer of your ignorance.”

8 Likes

“Zoe Ball gave me a panettone!”

4 Likes

“We’re going to out-class these m****rf****rs”

6 Likes

Is that a euphemism?

3 Likes

Very much no

(My friend Miranda is a “QI Elf” and was on Zoe’s breakfast show a couple of times)

7 Likes

Oh cool, what a great job!

3 Likes

“… nothing but a biodegradable butt plug.”

6 Likes

Is this related to the panettone?

7 Likes

“Are those Mandrills on your socks?”

“They are, yes!”

“I hope they don’t do matching underpants”

8 Likes