That’s a perfect example of copy editor humor. I just told it to C, and she laughed and laughed . . .
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry am umbrella?
Fo Drizzle
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That’s one of my favorite (clean) jokes, but the version I know has an additional passenger:
Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm are in a car together when they’re pulled over by a policeman. He walks up and asks Heisenberg, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No idea. But I do know where I am.” Heisenberg replies.
The policeman says, “Well, you were doing 55 in a 35mph zone.” Heisenberg throws his arms up in exasperation and shouts, “Great! Now I’m lost!”
The policeman thinks this is suspicious, so he has them pop the trunk for a search. He checks it out and says, “Did you know you have a dead cat in here?”
This time it’s Schrodinger who angrily responds, “We do now! Thanks a lot jackass!”
The policeman has had enough and moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
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This is a bit dead, and I saw a perfect one while waiting in the garage for my new tyres to get aligned.
“My friend David had his ID lost, so now we call him Dav”
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With lockdown restrictions in place, The Proclaimers’ lawn is getting out of control and they’re blaming B&Q
They’ve been to Bathgate, no mower, Linwood, no mower, Methil, no mower, Irvine, no mower…
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A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are watching a house from across the street. As they watch, two people go into the house. Somewhat later, three people come out.
The biologist: “They’ve reproduced.”
The physicist: “Apparently the number of people is not conserved.”
The mathematician: “Now if one person goes into that house, it will be empty.”
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Occasionally I make up jokes that are too obscure even for me.
“I found myself in a state of nervous ecstacy while contemplating a picture of Marie-Henri Beyle. There ought to be a name for that.”
or indeed
A cabalist is given the choice of any one decanic Word to learn. He chooses Sphandôr, the decan of knowledge. His friends ask: now all wisdom is within your grasp. What is the first and most important thing you have learned?
“Should have chosen Buldumêch.”
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I’m trying to come up with a pun on “Stendhal” but I’m drawing a blank . . .
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Atoms are untrustworthy little buggers. They make up everything!
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Was at a funeral for a guy that got killed by a tennis ball.
Great service.
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Booooo. Dislike
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This is wonderful, great first post. And you didn’t even make a racquet when you came in.
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My friends got married at the top of a mobile phone mast. The service was awful but the reception was great.
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That wedding I just talked about was very emotional. Even the cake was in tiers.
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One of my favorite types of humor is Soviet/Communist jokes, mostly but not always from the Soviet Union. For example, one I read in Arthur Koestler’s The Act of Creation:
Teacher: Tell me, comrade, what is capitalism?
Student: The exploitation of man by man.
Teacher: And what is communism?
Student: The reverse!
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Shaky set me loose on you. You’ll be out for his blood(in a bowl maybe?) soon enough.
My jokes are prolific and terrible.
Bono and the edge went into a pub. Barman says ‘aw not u 2 again’
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My favourite joke my father ever taught me:
“Comrade, what would you do if you had two houses?”
“Why Comrade, I would keep one, and I would give one to the Party!”
“Exactly! And what would you do if you had two cars, Comrade?”
“Why, I would keep one, and I would give the other to the Party, Comrade!”
“Quite! And what would you do if you had two bikes, Comrade?”
“Now wait a minute Comrade, I have two bikes…”
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Q: What happened when the Soviet Union took over the Sahara Desert?
A: For five years, nothing. Then there was a shortage of sand.
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