Metallica’s James Hetfield was doodling in his notebook one day. He’d been looking at some ascii art the day before, and he liked the way certain letters and symbols looked, so he began drawing pictures entirely out of particular symbols. Eventually Lars wandered over and asked what he was drawing. “This is an Asterisk House” replied James; “and this one is a Question-mark Dog; and that’s a Percent Car.” “Huh”, said Lars. And what’s that one? “Oh,” said James, “that’s an Ampersand Man.”
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Sting decided to go horseback riding. He went out to his stables, saddled his favorite horse, and rode around for hours.
When he got back he was exhilarated by the ride, bit knew he needed to tend to the animal. He proceeded to brush out the horse, checked its hooves and made sure everything was in order.
He went and got a bucket of water, which the horse eagerly drank. However, checking the other supplies, Sting frowned.
He called for a stablehand and yelled at him for not keeping fresher food for the horse. “I can’t give this to the horse,” he yelled. “This feed’s too old.”
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And here I thought I was the only one and it was language specific 
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This is the first one I got -.- 
I think that’s why it’s important to include the name of the artist in the story – it lets us look up a list of their songs, and figure out what it is that we’re not seeing : )
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Cher had a good friend over and decided to cook dinner. Being vegetarian, she decided to grill up some vegetables, and would pair them with a side salad. She got out her ingredients and started cooking, adding herbs and spices to the mix for some extra flavor. Letting those grill, she moved on to working on the salad, at the same time chatting with her friend.
They got so involved in their conversation, that Cher forgot about the vegetables until she smelled smoke from them burning. Rushing over, she pulled the pan off the burner and added a bit of water, hoping to salvage a bit. As the steam dissipated, her friend came over for a look. “Well,” she said, “the zucchini might be edible, but you’ll probably need to scrape off that burned black thyme.”
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I’d take back those herbs that’re burnt, yo.
If I could reach the stars
I’d give them all to you
They range in temperature from around 3,000 to 40,000 degrees Kelvin
And exert unimaginable gravitation forces
Bringing them together like this will be interesting
But I doubt you’ll have time to notice
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Many pop stars have made the mistake of thinking that the money will keep rolling in, but others have had better advice or simply realised for themselves that wider investments make a good backup for when their fifteen minutes is over.
The Beatles had a fortuitous meeting in that regard one night in Hamburg, right at the start of their career, when George and Paul found themselves chatting in a bar to Stanislav Milov, who ran a canning factory in the USSR, on the outskirts of Kemerovo. Despite the city being far from the sea, Milov had managed to turn the fortunes of the factory around, by using access to the nearby railway and the reliability of power in the area thanks to the coal mines to negotiate contracts with several Caspian Sea fisheries. Local Party officials had taken notice and he was doing well, with perks including occasional trips to the West. It seemed nothing more than a random social encounter, but George in particular stayed in touch with the occasional Christmas card.
As the 80s rumbled to a close everything was changing in Russia. George Harrison received a message from Vladimir Milov, then a teenager nobody had heard of but in later years Deputy Minister of Energy of the Russian Federation. Young Vladimir had never met George but had grown up fascinated by the Beatles and his late father’s fleeting encounter with them. Spotting an opportunity amidst the chaos he believed that he could turn the state factory into a privately owned success, if he could secure reliable overseas investment. It would be a leap of faith for an investor, but despite never having met Vladimir George agreed to talk to the surviving Beatles and see what they could do.
And so it was that years after the band broke up the Beatles came together as the main investors behind the biggest caviar exporter in the world. You can buy the caviar today, but naturally it doesn’t mention the Beatles on the label. So, if you want to ensure that you’re buying the right stuff then be sure to check the back of the tin for the all-important legend:
Canned by Milov
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So you’re banned and you’re banned and you’re banned… gonna be quiet around here…
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Still worth it.
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Oh God. Oh God. Oh God…
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You’re the one who mentioned this thread to me, so man up and take your share of blame.
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Do you people know misheard lyrics?
I cannot make up this kind of thing myself but if you know I want to remind you, and if you don‘t know, well… enjoy:
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That’s quite something…
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Stan Bush was in line at a Dutch Bros coffee stand at an airport when the man in front of him received his coffee and upon seeing Stan, got slackjawed. “Mr. Bush,” the man exclaimed. “I am a huge fan of your work.” Stan was somewhat agog himself, as he recognized the man as recently knighted Andrew MacKenzie, having read about him in a magazine as he was the new CEO of Shell Oil.
Andrew insisting on purchasing Stan’s drink, and the two went to sit at a table with their coffees, chatting amicably.
After an hour and a few more coffees, Stan heard over the loudspeakers that his flight was boarding, so he thanked Andrew once again and began to take his leave.
“Stan,” Andrew called out, and then pointed at the cup still on the table. “You forgot the Dutch.”
Stan went back for the cup and replied, “Never, Sir Andrew!”
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Reminds me of the old Maxell cassette advert:
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One time Britney Spears was in her favourite morroccan + Italian fusion restaurant and she orders her favourite combo of three stews and Minestrone as an accompaniment. As the waiter came over she panicked because only two stews were present but just as quickly all was resolved as she explained to her fellow diner
soup side hid a tagine
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Good GRIEF this thread
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You’re all banned!
Take this time to think about what you’ve done!
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(Im struggling with this one?)
Ok. I’ve got it. Dear Lord.
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