OK, skimming a bit over the stuff I’ve already looked at. I like the visual balance of the contents page better.
Regarding the tech level para: I wonder if you could just summarise it: e.g. “Overall, the tech level is advanced but not miraculous to an early-21st-century reader: there are laser sidearms and antimatter power plants, but no antigravity or force fields.”
I think “are still able to work” is fine - whether they do or not depends on the social system they’re in.
I still don’t get the point of the the Imperial district court. This may just be me not seeing the obvious. How does a case get to a colony’s IDC, from above or from below? What can they do that the planet’s highest non-Imperial court can’t? If the answer is “deal with matters of Imperial jurisdiction in local space” what’s the point of calling it imperial if it’s effectively owned by the colony? (I’m obviously thinking of the extreme case of Planet of the Mind-Controlled Zombies here.) For the purposes of this document I’d say either this needs to be clearer or, if it’s not that important, it could be dropped out.
“The Empire can intervene without permission from the Senate” - sure you explain this later, but I’m reading this thing front to back and I trip over it here. When I put myself in prospective player mode, anything I trip over while reading this kind of introductory guide is likely to cause me to think “nah, this is too much work, I’ll have a look later”.
There’s a logical exclusion here. Given the initial state of “colony has the right to operate spaceships etc.”:
- within the Hill sphere and slower than escape velocity → colonial jurisdiction, subject to Naval inspection
- outside the Hill sphere and faster than escape velcoity → Imperial jurisdiction
What of something inside the sphere and faster, or outside and slower? I suspect the Navy grabs those two quadrants too. Looks like it from “Colonial Space Habitats”, so the last word on p.5 (of the latest PDF) needs to be “or”.
Right, getting on to new stuff.
“none can have a human lover” – oh, humans can be very inventive when it comes to perversions. But I take your point.
Probably want a non-breaking space between e.g. “3” and “°C”.
Is it worth mentioning “major imports/exports” for the “Colonies you have heard of” section? I realise this would steal from some of The Suite above. Maybe the others don’t have significant imports/exports, which is fair enough.
“terraformation” → “terraforming” usually.
Lowrie: would be helpful to define roughly how large “a community” is, or conversely roughly how often a prom tends to happen, or how many people per form, or….
Great job of making none of the colonies seem like particularly appealing places to live (obviously using the “I get to be a random person in this society” rule).
“The Home Office builds, maintains, and runs habitats for Imperial servants and their families in orbit and Imperial enclaves.” – slightly awkward. Perhaps “, both in orbit and in planetside Imperial enclaves”?
“The Independent Commission for Justice (ICJ) has the power of enforcing the Imperial Crimes Act in colonial jurisdiction,” which is fine if you said anywhere what that deals with!
I don’t know if “pretorian” is standard in en_AU but it’s not in en_GB or en_US.
Generally I think this works well; I think I have a better impression of the setting now than I’ve had before.