“OK, I grudgingly concede that work is allowed to wake me during working hours.”
8 Likes
“In my opinion there seems to be a lot of pole vaulting over mouse turds in trying to define things”
8 Likes
“I’ve been cucked by a turkey sandwich.”
2 Likes
“Why is the dolphin always there when I’m not?!”
6 Likes
Things I say to Guest Cat are excluded as being too easy.
E.g. “yes, you’re quite right, life is entirely unfair to small black cats who mean no harm to anybody. Unless they’re delicious. Or squeaky. Or run around suddenly.”
5 Likes
Is it the same reason why Batman is always there when Bruce Wayne is not?
8 Likes
But… Bruce Wayne isn’t ever here…
*Looks around nervously.*
My landlord is going to be so mad.
4 Likes
Ooh, ooh…
If Batman is everywhere that Bruce Wayne isn’t, that explains Dark Matter.
4 Likes
The evidence that Batman and Bruce Wayne are entirely different people is everywhere. I’m surprised people still debate it.
7 Likes
“Darth Vader doesn’t want to look. Darth Vader doesn’t like spiders.”
7 Likes
“So I tried to communicate in Roman Numerals…”
7 Likes
You should never ask for “dry martini” in Germany unless you’re with friends, or they’ll assume you’re an alcoholic.
4 Likes
I’ve drank in Germany - I’m not sure they’d make that assumption 
2 Likes
The party, magically interrogating some crows: “Is it dangerous at night?”
Crows: “Night? No, night is good, no hawk, no falcon.”
The party: “What about for people?”
Crows: “People too big. Hawk, falcon, no eat.”
11 Likes
“There’s a natural boundary of a small river and some bits of copse. As in trees, not, like, dismembered police officers.”
12 Likes
‘The bits of cops are hidden up in the trees.’
8 Likes