In my 4 days on the project, I have noted that this team has the camera always active for any chat, even just while working on code together. But they very much ignore the camera, look everywhere and nowhere and probably forget it is on. I feel like it is going to take me another week to start acting like it isn’t there. For now I feel watched and like I have to pay attention. But I will not be able to keep that up. So ignoring is the way to go. I’ve given up feeling selfconscious how I look on camera a while ago that’s not it. Mostly, I don’t want to act like I am not paying attention but seeing how everyone else doesn’t bother… I hope I’ll adjust soon.
Eye-contact is hard. Among my local circle I count as the extrovert and yet to hold eye contact I have to make a conscious effort and an effort it is even with my closest friends. Probably shows that among the blind, the one-eyed is the extrovert
For real though. Techies…
Also re: myself …
I have been doing useful things for the past many months. It is just that I have been socialized to undervalue unpaid, care and emotional work… which is what I’ve been doing a LOT of. But instead I measure my own worth by the kind of paid work I am doing. I shouldn’t. I hate that I do this and that despite having many a discussion about it with my partner I cannot shake this type of thinking. Also, on occasion I really like the smug feeling I get from bug fixing. There is a sense of feedback and accomplishment one gets from my kind of technical work that is extremely hard to generate from emotional/care work which I find hard to even consider “work” even when it exhausts me.